


Lemme Smash

by smellslikecitrus



Series: Hamilton Memes [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, Funny, M/M, Meme, One Shot, Swearing, The Author Regrets Nothing, based on a youtube video, bisexual James Madison, drunk founding fathers, lemme smash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 06:21:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11434971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smellslikecitrus/pseuds/smellslikecitrus
Summary: Thomas is drunk and is Ron. James is Becky. Dolley is Ben.LEMME SMASHSomeone requested this and I'm delivering their wish! ;)





	Lemme Smash

Thomas was incredibly drunk. If he wasn't, he probably could’ve stopped himself from trying to hit on Hamilton. It wasn't totally his fault though, James had just left him for Dolley the other night, and Hamilton had walked into the bar and downed some shots.

Thomas wasn't sure why Hamilton was talking about pool sticks to Burr of all people, but it didn't matter. In his drunkenness, he decided to try to pick up Hamilton, just to see if he could. 

He walked over to Hamilton talking with the bartender, Burr. 

Hamilton was also drunk, saying something about the pool stick he was holding, “this is-- a nice stick. I like sticks… peck, pick.” Burr looked at him, shook his head, then walked away. 

Jefferson took a chance. He had to be perfect, say something subtle and charming. He sauntered up to Hamilton. “Lemme smash. Please.” Nailed it.

Hamilton glared at him and slurred, “no, Jefferson. Go find Madison.”

Thomas winked at him. “You want some fuck?” 

Hamilton glared even harder, “no, Jefferson. I don't want some fuck.”

Thomas picked up a blue pool ball, “I got you blue!”

Thomas put down the pool ball when he saw Hamilton wasn't interested, and swaggered up to him, “hey Ham, you want some tail?” He rolled his hips suggestively. 

Hamilton was unimpressed, “ugh. Jefferson. Your tail is small.”

“Wot?” This was not the right response! He had to do something! “Swiggity swooty?” Oh god, those weren't even words! He was too drunk. 

He tried again, ignoring Hamilton’s protests, and picked up a yellow pool ball, “you want yellow?” Hamilton shook his head. “He doesn't want yellow…” Thomas put down the ball. 

He had an idea. He picked up both the previous balls, “blue AND yellow?” At Hamilton’s unresponsiveness, he put down both the pool balls, “no…”

Hamilton sighed, but right then, John Laurens walked into the bar and waved at him. “Jefferson, I'm leaving.”

“Wot? NO WAIT, LEMME SMASH?”

Hamilton staggered over to Laurens and they walked out, Laurens half-supporting the smaller man. 

Thomas felt… empty inside. The expensive wine he had drunk earlier no longer seemed a good idea. He missed James. 

“What has my life come to?” he muttered to himself. “James thought my tail was big. James used to lemme smash. But James is smashin’ Dolley. Dolley is a hoe.” 

That decided, he sat down and Burr got him his favorite French wine and the bill without him asking.

He finished the drink and payed the bill, and walked outside. He tried hailing a taxi, but none would come near him. He thought it might've been his bright magenta suit. _Non-Virginians have no sense of style!_ he thought to himself. 

A car came near him but only succeeded in splashing him with a puddle near the curb. That was it. 

Thomas lost it. “Fuck this bar! Fuck Dolley! I need you James! JAMES LEMME SMASH! Ima get that bitch a stick! Bitches love sticks.” He stumbled back into the bar, intent on stealing a pool stick with his ~extra deft~ fingers. 

He looked at the array of pool sticks on the wall, and pointing, said, “wrong stick, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick. Need stick. Got stick.”

Burr was staring at him with a frown on his usually neutral face, but Thomas didn't care. “JAMES! I got stick! LEMME SMASH!” he screamed and then passed out. 

He woke up at home on his couch with Burr making tea in his kitchen. He sat up and groaned at the pain in his head. “What. The. Hell. Happened last night?” he asked Burr slowly. 

“You screamed ‘stick’ a bunch of times while pointing at the pool sticks on my bar wall, then passed out. Oh, and you were wet. I took you home. You're welcome.”

“Did I do anything… else weird?” 

“You tried to pick up Hamilton.”

“WHAT THE FUCK NO! NO! NOOOOO!” He winced in pain at the volume of his voice, so he quieted and sat back and relaxed. He spent the whole day with Burr. 

Burr was a good friend. 

He still missed James though.


End file.
